Funny Things Kids Say

I was going through some of the funny things my Gavin has said and thought I would post a couple:


Krista and Gavin were playing wii today. I heard Gavin tell her, "Luigi will be punished for his own sins and not for Mario's transgressions."


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I instant messaged one of my friends this:  Gavin wants a "boys night in" - he, Rex and Brady could watch "chicken flicks."

How Do I Do It?

In order to get the full picture of this post you need to read another blog, well two blogs.

Sometime ago I was reading a message board.  Someone linked to this post: Snuggie Texts, about a guy, Eli, getting a text message from a stranger and his very funny responses to her. He posted the conversation on his bog, she saw it and texted him again.  Snuggie Texts Part II was then created.  In the course of the conversation Eli created a mommy blog as a joke.

On the right hand side he had a list of blogs that he "followed".  I took one of the names and created my own joke blog  Below is the content of my one and only post:

For years I have been asked, "How do you do it Patty?"  How do you do all that you do and still keep yourself together?" And for years I have kept my lips together about it.  Of course that isn't hard when you have children and superglue in the house, but still I'm pretty proud that I managed to keep mum about it.

Some have asked, "Is it prayer that helps you?"  Honestly, yes, but it isn't the secret.

"What about bubble baths at night?"  Oh, of course.  Because children always stay in bed on those days when you are ready to pound your head into the wall.

"Chocolate ice cream." Strangely enough I don't like chocolate ice cream.

So here'e the secret.  Have you seen those pictures of children duct taped to the wall?  I'm sure some of you have gasped at them.  Those pictures are a big lie.  The best way for a mom to hold herself together is duct tape.  The pictures of children taped to a wall show that the mom failed to do that because a child threw a fit that he didn't get to "do duct tape", ran, tornado style, around mom screaming like a banshee and then flung himself to the wall.

For all you moms who are falling apart let me give you a hint on how to properly apply duct tape to yourself so you won't fall apart.

Step 1:  The first step is to do it when the child isn't home.  While children have been known to run back home after hearing the zip of duct tape rolling, you do get more time to get it done if you wait till they go to school. Remember to smile sweetly as you wave goodbye to them.

The problem with this step is that when you need stuck together the most it is while the children are home.  You may not have time to wait till the children leave so this step is optional.

Step 2:  This step involves a bit of trickery.  You know how children act like they are forced to do chores? They just can't do them willingly.  It is what causes them to learn the word "NO!" so quickly.

 SHHHH.  I don't want to hear it. I must tell you that it is by law that a child must dislike doing chores.  If you post a comment here about your angel willingly working and even singing  I will have to report you. I am legally required to do so. To the police.  Really that could ugly.

So anyway, serve your children a snack, grab some dusting cloths and then tell them, "when you get done I would like you to come into the living room."  You will of course hear, "why, why, why, why?"  Just tell them you have some chores that need to be done and leave the room singing, "Whistle while you work".  It will get very quiet because they will want you to forget they are home.

Step 3:  When it gets quiet (not too quiet - we all know what that means) unwrap the amount of tape you need to patch everything that needs stuck back together. Make sure that you have 2 or 3 layers wrapped about you because children are curious and may try to dig through the tape - ouch! or the little thieves might steal it from you to make a duct tape wallet to sell to the other kids at school.

WARNING:  Whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not, go to the bathroom until you are finished.  Children have a very sensitive sensor for bathroom floors. If you step on that floor, and worse shut the door, or even think about it, they will be calling, "mommy?" and any duct tape already used will disintegrate along with your nerves.

Minor Alterations

Saw this performed at my son's band concert last night and enjoyed it.  It's a medley of Christmas songs done in a minor key.  I hope you like it as well.

Little Thor Commercial

I haven't ever watched Thor.  Didn't even realize what the kid was trying to do in this video till the end, but when I got to the end I laughed out loud.  Cute and funny.

Things Kids Say

Primary is the children's organization at my church.  Every year the primary puts on a program for the rest of the congregation.   I received this in an email from my mom this week:

Our Primary Program was yesterday and it was a great meeting as always.  The one that stole the show though was our autistic boy.  His mom kept bringing him up and he would chicken out.  At least once he was leading his mother up there.  About the 4^th time he finally said his part jumped off the stool and said “We did it!”  We were all praying for him to succeed.

And from my sister-in-law, who replied back to all of us :

We had a pretty funny moment.  The classes were sitting together with their teacher holding a microphone in the middle.  When it was the sunbeams turn, one 4 year old named John Arlie was asked by his teacher (who's also his mom) what makes him happy.  He answered, "Boogers."  To which his 3 year old cousin Brayden responded in all seriousness, "Ooooh, that's a good one."  

Validation

When I was first introduced to this video I was determined not to smile.  Well, not so determined, more like, "yea, it's probably not as good as everyone is making this out to be."  It didn't take long though and I was...smiling.

Niagara Falls

Since first seeing a picture of Niagara Falls I wanted to see it in person.  A couple of years ago it became a goal and last year I accomplished that goal on a vacation with my family.  Beautiful!

We even road on the Maid of the Mist to the bottom of the waterfall.  It was a blast getting wet by all the sprays of water.  The power of it just rumbles through you.











Rex and Gavin having some fun up on the walk along the river and falls.

What Is the Purpose of My Life? What Am I Going to Do?

This video is a great example of the wonderful people there are in the world. Narayanan Krishnan is a man who quit his job not only to feed those in need, but to give them love and affection as well.

Provident Living Tidbits

For Sunday, October 2nd

From The Value of Home Life by Neil A. Maxwell, Ensign Feb. 1972.  

A good member of the Church must understand the implications of his beliefs with regard to the home. 

This different commitment will mean, among many things, knowing—

—that because the home is so crucial, it will be the source of our greatest failures as well as our greatest joys.

—that home is the one place we will be in that will require us to practice every major gospel principle and not just a few, as may be the case in some temporary relationships.

—that the pressures of life in a family will mean that we shall be known as we are, that our frailties will be exposed and, hopefully, we shall then work on them.

—that the love and thoughtfulness required in the home are no abstract exercise in love. They are real. It is no mere rhetoric concerning some distant human cause; it is an encounter with raw selfishness, with the need for civility and taking turns, of being hurt and yet forgiving, of being at the mercy of others’ moods and yet understanding, in part, why we sometimes inflict pain on each other.

—that family life is a constant challenge, not a periodic performance we can render on a stage quickly and run for the privacy of a “dressing room” to be alone with ourselves, for the home gives us a great chance to align our public and private behavior, to reduce the hypocrisy in our lives, to be more congruent with Christ.

Thus, to commit oneself to home and family is to do a wondrous thing. It is a high adventure. It is not a task for those who wish to run away, nor for those whose human causes are chosen because the cause is distant and makes no real demands of them. It is the same for all the basic teachings of Jesus that constitute that solitary path to salvation.

In this sense, the straight and narrow way is a path only for the brave!

Of course, commitment to principles with a divine difference—hard doctrines that produce significant modifications in life-styles—means involvement and occasional disappointment in a divine church full of imperfect people; it means getting banged about a bit, but it also means joy now and everlastingly in a church that is divinely managed on the things that matter most.

For Sunday, October 9th

Viva Vegetables: Winter Squash

Provident Living Tid-bits for Sunday, Aug. 28, Sept. 4, Sept 11

For August 21st

Stretching to improve flexibility

• Don't consider stretching a warm-up. You may hurt yourself if you stretch cold muscles. So before stretching, warm up with light walking, jogging or biking at low intensity for five to 10 minutes. Or better yet, stretch after you exercise when your muscles are warmed up. Also, consider holding off on stretching before an intense activity, such as sprinting or track and field activities. Some research suggests that pre-event stretching before these types of events may actually decrease performance.
• Focus on major muscle groups. When you're stretching, focus on your calves, thighs, hips, lower back, neck and shoulders. Also stretch muscles and joints that you routinely use at work or play. And make sure that you stretch both sides. For instance, if you stretch your left hamstring, be sure to stretch your right hamstring, too.
• Don't bounce. Bouncing as you stretch can cause small tears in the muscle. These tears leave scar tissue as the muscle heals, which tightens the muscle even further, making you less flexible and more prone to pain. So, hold each stretch for about 30 seconds. Repeat each stretch three or four times.
• Don't aim for pain. Expect to feel tension while you're stretching, not pain. If it hurts, you've pushed too far. Back off to the point where you don't feel any pain, then hold the stretch.
• Make stretches sport specific. Some evidence suggests that it's helpful to do stretches tailored for your sport or activity. If you play soccer, for instance, you're more vulnerable to hamstring strains. So opt for stretches that help your hamstrings.
• Keep up with your stretching. Stretching can be time-consuming. But you can achieve the best benefits by stretching regularly, at least two to three times a week. If you don't stretch regularly, you risk losing any benefits that stretching offered. For instance, if stretching helped you increase your range of motion, and you stop stretching, your range of motion may decrease again.
• Bring movement into your stretching. Gentle movement can help you be more flexible in specific movements. The gentle movements of tai chi, for instance, may be a good way to stretch. And if you're going to perform a specific activity, such as a front kick in martial arts, do the move slowly and at low intensity at first to get your muscles used to it. Then speed up gradually as your muscles become accustomed to the motion.

Know when to use caution - In some cases, you may need to approach stretching with caution. If you have a chronic condition or an injury, you may need to adjust your stretching techniques. from: Mayo Clinic

For September 4th

Emergency Sanitation PDF

For September 11th

Tips for living: Helping jobless friends by Raymond G Bingham 

Have you ever wanted to help a friend, but whatever you did only made matters worse? When a friend is unemployed, that is a prime opportunity for making bonds better or worse. Having just finished nine months of unemployment, which ended in our family moving to Utah, I want to pass on observations that will help keep friendships strong and may even help them get a job.

1. Don't preach trite solutions. Entitled ignorance comes through loud and clear to someone without a job, especially whenever one gives a suggestion like, "Have you tried getting a job in the church? They're always hiring." This little gem was given me when I was living happily, if a bit jobless, in Washington. I was an electrical engineer specializing in semiconductor verification.

2. Internet searches can be done by just about anyone who has an Internet connection. The fact that someone cared enough to go out of their way to search told me that there were folks out there who cared about me.

3. Take them to the unemployment office or LDS employment. The long trip to the unemployment office is easier with uplifting pep talks from friends.

4. Take them with you to work. Even if you're not a match at all, just seeing you in your place of employment can jog loose ideas and gets your friend out of the house

5. Help them fix something in their home. By helping, friends give the truest form of Christian service.

6. Find ways your friend can help you. Knowing that I mattered to them — that I was needed — made all the difference in my attitude. If you have a friend, let them know that they are needed by inconveniencing them a little once in a while — ask them to help you. Not out of a "Hey! You've got nothing better to do!" but with the attitude "I value you and want your expertise."

7. Look over their resume; take a couple of copies. Even if you don't know to whom to give the thing, you may be prompted, being in the right place at the right time. Make up a lame excuse if you must, but get a copy. Pass it along to your hiring manager. Share it with relatives.

8. Invite them into your house. Play games. Take pictures. Celebrate. Send them home with leftovers. Repeat. When you're unemployed, your ability to entertain dwindles. It's amazing how dependent we all are on this basic thing called money. Share your means by doing more than giving to the local food bank. Open your house, and be generous with all that you've been blessed.

For September 18th

September Viva Vegetable PDF - This is the September newsletter, even though it says August.  You can find August here.

Virtues to the Pathway of Success

I wanted to share with you a video that just came in my email.  It is by one of my favorite people. I have never met her, but I have heard her speak. She had me laughing, crying and inspired all in the same 1/2 hour. I love what she has to teach.  She is Meg Johnson and she is an angel to many.

If you would like to know more about her or receive her monthly messages you can go to her website.

To go along with that I want to add part of a talk by Thomas S. Monson:

I have always felt that if we speak in generalities, we rarely have success; but if we speak in specifics, we will rarely have a failure. Therefore, I urge that you exemplify in your lives four tested, specific virtues. They are:

1. 1. 
   An attitude of gratitude,



2. 2. 
   A longing for learning,


3. 3. 
   A devotion to discipline, and


4. 4. 
   A willingness to work.

First, an attitude of gratitude. In the book of Luke, chapter 17, we read the account of the 10 lepers. The Savior, in traveling toward Jerusalem, passed through Galilee and Samaria and entered a certain village where He was met on the outskirts by 10 lepers who were forced, because of their condition, to live apart from others. They stood “afar off” and cried, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us.”

The Savior, full of sympathy and love for them, said, “Go shew yourselves unto the priests,” and as they went they discovered that they were healed. The scriptures tell us, “One of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at [the Master’s] feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.”

The Savior responded, “Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.” ⁵

Through divine intervention, those who were lepers were spared from a cruel, lingering death and given a new lease on life. The gratitude expressed by one merited the Master’s blessing, the ingratitude by the nine His disappointment.

Like the leprosy of yesteryear are the plagues of today. They linger; they debilitate; they destroy. They are to be found everywhere. Their pervasiveness knows no boundaries. We know them as selfishness, greed, indulgence, cruelty, and crime—to identify but a few.

At a regional conference, President Gordon B. Hinckley declared: “We live in a world of so much filth. It is everywhere. It is on the streets. It is on television. It is in books and magazines. … It is like a great flood, ugly and dirty and mean, engulfing the world. We have got to stand above it. … The world is slipping in its moral standards. That can only bring misery. The way to happiness lies in a return to strong family life and the observance of moral standards, the value of which has been proven through centuries of time.” ⁶

By following President Hinckley’s counsel, we can make this a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. There are so many things right—such as teachers who teach, friends who help, marriages that make it, and parents who sacrifice.

Be grateful for your mother, for your father, for your family, and for your friends. Express gratitude for your Young Women teachers. They love you; they pray for you; they serve you. You are precious in their sight and in the sight of your Heavenly Father. He hears your prayers. He extends to you His peace and His love. Stay close to Him and to His Son, and you will not walk alone.

Second, a longing for learning.

The Apostle Paul said to Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers.” ⁷

President Stephen L Richards, who was a counselor in the First Presidency many years ago, was a profound thinker. He said, “Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other.” My advice is to seek faith and dispel doubt.

The Lord counseled, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” ⁸

We can find truth in the scriptures, the teachings of the prophets, the instructions from our parents, and the inspiration that comes to us as we bend our knees and seek the help of God.

We must be true to our ideals, for ideals are like the stars: you can’t touch them with your hands, but by following them you reach your destination. ⁹

Many of your teachers are assembled with you this evening. I trust that each teacher would fit the description written of one: “She created in her classroom an atmosphere where warmth and acceptance weave their magic spell; where growth and learning, the soaring of the imagination, and the spirit of the young are assured.” ¹⁰

Third, may we discuss a devotion to discipline.

Our Heavenly Father has given to each of us the power to think and reason and decide. With such power, self-discipline becomes a necessity.

Each of us has the responsibility to choose. You may ask, “Are decisions really that important?” I say to you, decisions determine destiny. You can’t make eternal decisions without eternal consequences.

May I provide a simple formula by which you can measure the choices which confront you. It’s easy to remember: “You can’t be right by doing wrong; you can’t be wrong by doing right.” Your personal conscience always warns you as a friend before it punishes you as a judge.

The Lord, in a revelation given through Joseph Smith the Prophet, counseled: “That which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. That which is of God is light.” ¹¹

Some foolish persons turn their backs on the wisdom of God and follow the allurement of fickle fashion, the attraction of false popularity, and the thrill of the moment. Courage is required to think right, choose right, and do right, for such a course will rarely, if ever, be the easiest to follow.

The battle for self-discipline may leave you a bit bruised and battered but always a better person. Self-discipline is a rigorous process at best; too many of us want it to be effortless and painless. Should temporary setbacks afflict us, a very significant part of our struggle for self-discipline is the determination and the courage to try again.

My dear young sisters, I know of no truer description of you than that expressed by the First Presidency on April 6, 1942: “How glorious and near to the angels is youth that is clean; this youth has joy unspeakable here and eternal happiness hereafter.” ¹²

Eternal life in the kingdom of our Father is your goal, and self-discipline will surely be required if you are to achieve it.

Finally, let each of us cultivate a willingness to work. President J. Reuben Clark, many years ago a counselor in the First Presidency, said: “I believe that we are here to work, and I believe there is no escape from it. I think that we cannot get that thought into our souls and into our beings too soon. Work we must, if we shall succeed or if we shall advance. There is no other way.” ¹³

“Put your shoulder to the wheel, push along” ¹⁴ is more than a line from a favorite hymn; it is a summons to work.

Perhaps an example would be helpful. Procrastination is truly a thief of time—especially when it comes to downright hard work. I speak of the need to study diligently as you prepare for the tests of school and, indeed, the tests of life.

I know of a university student who was so busy with the joys of student life that preparation for an exam was postponed. The night before, she realized the hour was late and the preparation was not done. She rationalized, “Now what is more important—my health, which requires that I must sleep, or the drudgery of study?” Well, you can probably guess the outcome. Sleep won, study failed, and the test was a personal disaster. Work we must.

This, then, is the suggested formula:

1. 1. 
   An attitude of gratitude,



2. 2. 
   A longing for learning,


3. 3. 
   A devotion to discipline, and


4. 4. 
   A willingness to work.

There will come into every life moments of despair and the need for direction from a divine source—even an unspoken plea for help. With all my heart and soul I testify to you that our Heavenly Father loves you, is mindful of you, and will not abandon you.